Baby Numero Dos

I am pregnant! I want to shout it from the rooftops, and tell any and everyone who will listen, but I’m patiently waiting for our first appointment. I technically found out 9/11/18, and by my calculations, I should be 6 weeks along. My breasts are hard & so sore, I’m super lethargic, and constantly ready for a nap. I miss having energy for sure! No morning sickness yet, and I’m praying I dodge that altogether this time; fingers crossed. I’m trying to just take this one day at a time, and not worry or have anxiety about weight gain or gestational diabetes possibly happening again. God is in control, and this sweet baby is fearfully and wonderfully made. It’s hard not knowing anything, and not being able to tell people just yet since it’s so early. As early as it is, my body totally feels pregnant. With Elena, I didn’t start having any symptoms until 6 weeks with morning sickness. I’ve felt exhausted & have had the sore breasts for a couple of weeks now. Bobby thinks this one’s a boy, but I’m not convinced. We shall see. I think it’s also weird hat I only really get hungry between 1pm and 4. Other than that, I’m good with a snack here and there, and rarely want dinner. I definitely think being pregnant in my 30’s vs my 20’s with Elena makes a world of difference. It’s also more exhausting because I’m taking care of a kiddo taboot. She’s been so great, though. My sweet girl is the best. She has been praying for a baby brother or sister for the last year now. Every single night she has prayed for this. My sister prayed for me when she was Elena’s age, and here I am! I love that similarity. She’s going to be such an attentive, loving, and nurturing big sister. This baby is so blessed. I know that my dad already knows this little one, and has snuggled with him/her in heaven. He won’t be missing a thing; he and my little baby are already connected. I can’t wait to see the joy this baby brings to our lives, and especially to my mom’s life. This is the ray of sunshine we all so desperately needed after losing my dad. I can’t wait to document this journey, and in one week we’ll have this nugget’s first sonogram picture! Stay tuned!

Mother's Day

Since my child has decided to take the longest nap in history, I've decided to blog about an upcoming holiday: Mother's Day. 

So, what are your thoughts on this day? Do you expect your husband to give you something? I can understand wanting some recognition from your kiddos (when they're old enough to realize this day exists), but should your husband be expected to run out and get you something?

You're probably thinking, "Oh...she's setting us up so we won't think it's sad and pathetic that she wasn't showered with gifts from her husband on Sunday. We're supposed to believe she didn't want anything; yeah, right." Well, I hate to break it to you, but the hubs (in his half asleep state bc the night shift SUCKS) did ask me what I wanted. I honest to God couldn't think of anything. I mean, I already get to stay home every day with our child, while he works the most random shifts ever, and rarely gets adequate sleep, so...I need more presents? Really? I had planned to see a movie with a friend during Elena's Mother's Day Out so I told him that was good enough for me. 

Is that weird? Should I want him to sweat and stress over spending $ on something I don't need? I'm no Saint, I mean, I love presents, but not obligatory 'please don't be mad at me' ones. Spur of the moment stuff is more fun to me; random surprises. Anyone with me on that?

Besides, while I still have a mom (which is a huge blessing in itself), I want to make it about her. Yes, I'm a mom and moms are awesome and hard working, but I don't want to be the focus. I just don't. I do what I love every day, and that's a huge gift. My husband sacrifices a lot, and for me to say, "What are you getting me for Mother's Day?!" is just plain bratty. 

I have a healthy little girl, and a husband who puts himself last every day for us. He lives to make us happy. The only thing I want for Mother's Day is to see my mama, and to tell her how treasured and special she is to me. Presence, not presents; that's what this day is about. Hug your mama close while you still can. God bless!

It's a Choice

Yesterday I had a pity party. In my defense, it's most likely due to PMS, but regardless--I was feeling sorry for myself. I was whining about my weight, whining about everything under the sun that I told myself were valid excuses not to work out or eat well. Woe is me, I said. 

My sweet husband listened to all of this. Not once did he say that I was being a brat or whining too much, he simply told me about a girl at the university he works for. He sees her walking the track every day. She is accompanied by her mom on these walks, and must use a walker due to her physical disabilities. She can hardly walk with the support of the walker, so her mother is there to help her along (as she also can't stand up straight due to her disability). She is out there every single day. She doesn't let her circumstances stop her, or define her, she chooses to overcome them and give it her all.

I instantly was overcome with emotion, and cried. My God, what problems do I have? How ungrateful do I sound? I have this physically capable body that the good Lord has blessed me with, the ability to schedule a workout whenever because of the blessing of being at home with my daughter, the resources to be able to afford healthy food...the list is endless. Bobby said, "You see, baby? We really have no problems. We are so blessed. All it takes is choosing to take care of yourself. It's a choice every day. You have it in you, and you can do this."

He is absolutely right. There isn't anything stopping me but ME. There is no reason for me to miss a workout, eat poorly, or make excuses. It all comes back to me making the conscious decision to care. It's a choice. I choose to be a conqueror in Christ. I choose to be grateful. I choose to be happy. I choose to TRY every day. I choose to be healthy for myself and for my family. That's the bottom line--it is simply a choice, and I choose life. 

What do you choose? 

When Are You Having Another?

You fall in love, get engaged, plan a wedding, get married, then BAM--everyone wants to know when you're having children. It seemed like we took FOREVER to have Elena (2.5 years into our marriage) in most people's eyes. I was happy that now we had finally appeased folks, and could enjoy our new level of adulthood. We were officially grown ups now. I am a mommy; someone completely depends on me, and it's the best feeling in the world. Fast forward to today (or last year really), and now it's "When are you having another? Do you want more kids? You can't make her an only child. She needs a sibling."

Here we go again. Insert the anxiety and guilt because I for one have absolutely no desire to have another child (right now anyway). I battle with this A LOT. If I were to get pregnant anytime soon, it would be solely based on guilt. It wouldn't be because our family doesn't feel complete, or because my daughter is asking for a sibling (neither of those apply here), it would be because I hear people say things like, "What if something happens to you and your husband, she'll be all alone." Jeez. Or "You'll regret it later and it will be too late." Aka "your eggs will be dried up, so you'd better pop another kid out to be on the safe side". 

Let me tell you why I don't want another. I'm not done babying my baby. I don't want to possibly have a rough pregnancy and delivery (my last was lovely). I don't want to gain weight on top of being overweight now. I don't want to be stressed out and frazzled (I'm just now getting confident as a mother of one). The idea of starting from scratch with a newborn who might possibly have colic or health issues like numerous food allergies or something much worse terrifies me. Our daughter is as healthy as a horse. She has never had anything worse than a cold. Granted, she was never one of those babies that was a "good sleeper" and she since day 1 has made NOTHING easy, but she's a healthy and happy kiddo. We feel super blessed. It sounds completely selfish, but I'm a little scared to roll the dice again and possibly get the sickly child who ALSO doesn't sleep AND needs constant attention (like my husband was as a kid). I honestly can't see myself juggling two children. The thought takes me so far away from any goal I ever had to be a stellar wife/mother. I'll be doomed to wear my yoga pants with holes in them going on 3 hours of sleep for another however many years. 

I dunno. I've never been (nor my husband) a "let's just see what happens!" type of person. I'm a planner. We are planners. It's silly because God ultimately is in control here, and we know this very well, but I just have uncertainty in my heart and to me--that's not the time to bring another life into this world. 

I sometimes feel like I owe it to my parents and inlaws to have another soon, or I owe it to the women that physically can't have children, but is that the right reason to have another child? "We had you because we felt obligated." That doesn't give me the warm fuzzies. We'll just have to pray about it. It's up to Him. Perhaps He will place that desire and confidence in my heart soon. 

But if He doesn't, I hope I won't disappoint people. Alrighty, getting off of my soapbox now. Elena is waking up from her nap. Time to spoil my only baby. :)

Potty Training

Well, I've been avoiding it like the plague, but now that Elena is 2 years and 7 months, I decided it was time to give this potty training a real go. Here's how today has gone. 

As of today, it's basically just an introduction. She's wearing pull-ups, and I have been consistently taking her to the big potty with her Bubble Guppies seat on it every half hour or so. I gave her water and pretzels as a morning snack (salty so she'll drink plenty of water) and juice with lunch (bc I know she will always drink all of her juice when it's offered). The first time she sat there gladly, we sang a couple of songs, and no pee. The second time she cried and didn't want to sit there at all. The third time she went begrudgingly, but was happy to sit there and sing 6 songs, but still nothing. She ate lunch and I took her again before nap. Still nothing. Between potty trips she would go in her pull-up (which internally frustrated me to no end). So...as she sleeps right now for nap I can see and smell that she's already peed in her pull-up. I will take her to the potty when she wakes up, and consistently after that until bedtime. It's only day one, so I'm trying to be positive.

Thank You, Jesus.

So, it's been an exhausting week. I had been doing well with counting calories and working out 5 days a week for two weeks straight, and then BAM--this week threw me for a loop. Aunt Flo came to visit a week early and my energy flew out the window. My dinners have been less than stellar (carbs upon carbs) and my housewife duties are piling up. Add in a trip to the doc for E (she's had a persistent cough, but thankfully it's just allergies), my best friend finding out she needs immediate surgery for a ruptured disc, neighborhood volunteer stuff (that I had to flake on bc Elena coughed so violently that she threw up on me yesterday), and no nap for Elena. Just when I was ready to break down and cry, after E had an accident that leaked out of her pull-up and onto her pants, I gave her a bath and after pjs were on and we were all resting peacefully, she climbs into my lap, looks into my eyes lovingly and says, "Thank You, Jesus, for my mama" with a big hug. Best week ever. :)

33

9/5/14
Happy birthday to one amazing man; my husband! I honestly shudder at the thought of where I'd be without him. Since the night we met all those years ago (as he ever so smoothly spied on me from the cereal aisle at Walgreen's while I pretended not to notice and work in the photo lab), my life has continually gotten better and better...and better. Seems like the moment I accepted that first date, my life instantly took a turn, and nothing but blessings poured in--he being number one on that list. First, he made me feel special, wanted, loved, adored, and worth something more than any guy (or boy) ever had. He was and is such a gentleman. He doesn't just say he wants me to be happy, he works through blood, sweat and tears to ensure that I am. There is absolutely nothing Bobby wouldn't do for his family. He proves that time and time again. The man seriously has the patience of a saint, I swear. I am by no means an easy "Michelle Duggar" type; I'm working on it, but I am nowhere near that! However, he always finds ways to show me that he loves me, acknowledges and is grateful for my efforts, and no matter how many times I fall flat on my face, he always has faith in me. He always encourages me, and constantly motivates me. He is a man of faith, he puts his family first, and he is who God picked for me. I am so thankful and grateful to the good Lord for giving me this man who I always feel I don't deserve; not because he has ever led me to believe that, but because there is so much good and purity in him--I just cannot fathom what he could gain from me that he doesn't already have. He is a man of integrity, strong yet so humble at the same time, and so incredibly selfless. Thank God for his mama; despite being young and probably terrified, she made sure to raise her son to be giving, hard working, honest, and to follow the Lord. That's not easy to do as a single 17 year old mom (and these "Teen Moms" today sure could learn a lesson or two from her experience), but she put him first the moment he was born. Because of that, he is a loving and devoted father today, and someone I am so proud to even know. Bobby has sacrificed so much for me, and for our little girl. The simplest things make his day, like watching our favorite shows together, or shopping together at Half Price Books for our daughter's collection, or just talking to each other in the car; we make him happy. When he is around his family, he is the happiest, and he is completely at peace. That is what made me fall in love with him; his deep love for family. He is so passionate and creative, and everything I need to be me. He makes me whole. So, thank You, Lord, for wonderfully creating this masterpiece that I get to kiss and hug and love every day for the rest of my life. Even though I know that he is really Yours, thank You for trusting me with him. He is truly heaven sent, and You knew the perfect time to send him to me. Father, I needed him more than I even knew. Thank You, God, for Your perfect and flawless plan, and for showing me every day what it is to be loved through my husband.

And happy 33rd birthday, my sweet love. "You and Me...Me and You."