Such a Pretty Face

As soon as high school began, the insecurities about weight and appearance came right along with it. I was never an overweight child, and quite frankly, never actually was "overweight" until after high school. There was absolutely nothing wrong with my weight, yet if you weren't a size 0 and taking diet pills, something was seriously wrong with you. I wish I would've just enjoyed my youth, my healthy figure, had confidence. Now, I am what any doctor would categorize as overweight; some may even say according to some BMI scale I'm obese. I certainly don't see myself that way. It's funny that now, as FAT as I am, I'm beginning to care less and less what weight society wants me to be. I try to eat what's healthy for me, would like to be more active, but not because I want to be a "hot mom", but because I don't want to miss seeing my grand babies one day. I want to be a good example for my daughter and have her break the cycle of type 2 diabetes (that by the grace of God I don't have). I've come to the conclusion that I most likely will never be skinny, I most likely will always have some meat on my bones, but for the first time in my life I am embracing that. If my blood sugar is low, and (aside from what people may think by looking at me) I am indeed healthy, then who cares if my jeans are in the double digits? I was no bean pole when my husband met me, and he has never stopped showering me with adoration and compliments. There is no perfect mold for women, we were meant to look different. I may lose a few pounds as I up the activity and eat well, but know that my goal is never to appeal to society. My goal is to avoid being dependent on diabetes medication and to be able to keep up with my toddler. I've always hated when people tell me, "You have such a pretty face, if you lost weight you'd be gorgeous!" Gee, thanks. So, I'm a troll now is what you're saying? Ha. I'm sure they had good intentions with those statements, at least I'd like to believe they did. To God, I am beautiful. He sees me for who I am; He sees my heart. He doesn't want me to be insecure, unhappy...He wants me to embrace every second of this life because it is one blessing after another, and to waste those moments dreaming of a day that I'll one day fit that perfect body mold is insane. More than anything, I want Elena to see a confident and happy mama; a mama that loves the skin she's in. With that said, I love this body, whether you find it fat or not. This tummy was home to my most precious gift, and those marks are proof that she was healthy and growing beautifully. No more time of my life will be wasted wishing for a new body, a certain weight, a certain size. This is me, I am loved, and I am His.