Mother's Day

Since my child has decided to take the longest nap in history, I've decided to blog about an upcoming holiday: Mother's Day. 

So, what are your thoughts on this day? Do you expect your husband to give you something? I can understand wanting some recognition from your kiddos (when they're old enough to realize this day exists), but should your husband be expected to run out and get you something?

You're probably thinking, "Oh...she's setting us up so we won't think it's sad and pathetic that she wasn't showered with gifts from her husband on Sunday. We're supposed to believe she didn't want anything; yeah, right." Well, I hate to break it to you, but the hubs (in his half asleep state bc the night shift SUCKS) did ask me what I wanted. I honest to God couldn't think of anything. I mean, I already get to stay home every day with our child, while he works the most random shifts ever, and rarely gets adequate sleep, so...I need more presents? Really? I had planned to see a movie with a friend during Elena's Mother's Day Out so I told him that was good enough for me. 

Is that weird? Should I want him to sweat and stress over spending $ on something I don't need? I'm no Saint, I mean, I love presents, but not obligatory 'please don't be mad at me' ones. Spur of the moment stuff is more fun to me; random surprises. Anyone with me on that?

Besides, while I still have a mom (which is a huge blessing in itself), I want to make it about her. Yes, I'm a mom and moms are awesome and hard working, but I don't want to be the focus. I just don't. I do what I love every day, and that's a huge gift. My husband sacrifices a lot, and for me to say, "What are you getting me for Mother's Day?!" is just plain bratty. 

I have a healthy little girl, and a husband who puts himself last every day for us. He lives to make us happy. The only thing I want for Mother's Day is to see my mama, and to tell her how treasured and special she is to me. Presence, not presents; that's what this day is about. Hug your mama close while you still can. God bless!

It's a Choice

Yesterday I had a pity party. In my defense, it's most likely due to PMS, but regardless--I was feeling sorry for myself. I was whining about my weight, whining about everything under the sun that I told myself were valid excuses not to work out or eat well. Woe is me, I said. 

My sweet husband listened to all of this. Not once did he say that I was being a brat or whining too much, he simply told me about a girl at the university he works for. He sees her walking the track every day. She is accompanied by her mom on these walks, and must use a walker due to her physical disabilities. She can hardly walk with the support of the walker, so her mother is there to help her along (as she also can't stand up straight due to her disability). She is out there every single day. She doesn't let her circumstances stop her, or define her, she chooses to overcome them and give it her all.

I instantly was overcome with emotion, and cried. My God, what problems do I have? How ungrateful do I sound? I have this physically capable body that the good Lord has blessed me with, the ability to schedule a workout whenever because of the blessing of being at home with my daughter, the resources to be able to afford healthy food...the list is endless. Bobby said, "You see, baby? We really have no problems. We are so blessed. All it takes is choosing to take care of yourself. It's a choice every day. You have it in you, and you can do this."

He is absolutely right. There isn't anything stopping me but ME. There is no reason for me to miss a workout, eat poorly, or make excuses. It all comes back to me making the conscious decision to care. It's a choice. I choose to be a conqueror in Christ. I choose to be grateful. I choose to be happy. I choose to TRY every day. I choose to be healthy for myself and for my family. That's the bottom line--it is simply a choice, and I choose life. 

What do you choose? 

When Are You Having Another?

You fall in love, get engaged, plan a wedding, get married, then BAM--everyone wants to know when you're having children. It seemed like we took FOREVER to have Elena (2.5 years into our marriage) in most people's eyes. I was happy that now we had finally appeased folks, and could enjoy our new level of adulthood. We were officially grown ups now. I am a mommy; someone completely depends on me, and it's the best feeling in the world. Fast forward to today (or last year really), and now it's "When are you having another? Do you want more kids? You can't make her an only child. She needs a sibling."

Here we go again. Insert the anxiety and guilt because I for one have absolutely no desire to have another child (right now anyway). I battle with this A LOT. If I were to get pregnant anytime soon, it would be solely based on guilt. It wouldn't be because our family doesn't feel complete, or because my daughter is asking for a sibling (neither of those apply here), it would be because I hear people say things like, "What if something happens to you and your husband, she'll be all alone." Jeez. Or "You'll regret it later and it will be too late." Aka "your eggs will be dried up, so you'd better pop another kid out to be on the safe side". 

Let me tell you why I don't want another. I'm not done babying my baby. I don't want to possibly have a rough pregnancy and delivery (my last was lovely). I don't want to gain weight on top of being overweight now. I don't want to be stressed out and frazzled (I'm just now getting confident as a mother of one). The idea of starting from scratch with a newborn who might possibly have colic or health issues like numerous food allergies or something much worse terrifies me. Our daughter is as healthy as a horse. She has never had anything worse than a cold. Granted, she was never one of those babies that was a "good sleeper" and she since day 1 has made NOTHING easy, but she's a healthy and happy kiddo. We feel super blessed. It sounds completely selfish, but I'm a little scared to roll the dice again and possibly get the sickly child who ALSO doesn't sleep AND needs constant attention (like my husband was as a kid). I honestly can't see myself juggling two children. The thought takes me so far away from any goal I ever had to be a stellar wife/mother. I'll be doomed to wear my yoga pants with holes in them going on 3 hours of sleep for another however many years. 

I dunno. I've never been (nor my husband) a "let's just see what happens!" type of person. I'm a planner. We are planners. It's silly because God ultimately is in control here, and we know this very well, but I just have uncertainty in my heart and to me--that's not the time to bring another life into this world. 

I sometimes feel like I owe it to my parents and inlaws to have another soon, or I owe it to the women that physically can't have children, but is that the right reason to have another child? "We had you because we felt obligated." That doesn't give me the warm fuzzies. We'll just have to pray about it. It's up to Him. Perhaps He will place that desire and confidence in my heart soon. 

But if He doesn't, I hope I won't disappoint people. Alrighty, getting off of my soapbox now. Elena is waking up from her nap. Time to spoil my only baby. :)