Such a Pretty Face

As soon as high school began, the insecurities about weight and appearance came right along with it. I was never an overweight child, and quite frankly, never actually was "overweight" until after high school. There was absolutely nothing wrong with my weight, yet if you weren't a size 0 and taking diet pills, something was seriously wrong with you. I wish I would've just enjoyed my youth, my healthy figure, had confidence. Now, I am what any doctor would categorize as overweight; some may even say according to some BMI scale I'm obese. I certainly don't see myself that way. It's funny that now, as FAT as I am, I'm beginning to care less and less what weight society wants me to be. I try to eat what's healthy for me, would like to be more active, but not because I want to be a "hot mom", but because I don't want to miss seeing my grand babies one day. I want to be a good example for my daughter and have her break the cycle of type 2 diabetes (that by the grace of God I don't have). I've come to the conclusion that I most likely will never be skinny, I most likely will always have some meat on my bones, but for the first time in my life I am embracing that. If my blood sugar is low, and (aside from what people may think by looking at me) I am indeed healthy, then who cares if my jeans are in the double digits? I was no bean pole when my husband met me, and he has never stopped showering me with adoration and compliments. There is no perfect mold for women, we were meant to look different. I may lose a few pounds as I up the activity and eat well, but know that my goal is never to appeal to society. My goal is to avoid being dependent on diabetes medication and to be able to keep up with my toddler. I've always hated when people tell me, "You have such a pretty face, if you lost weight you'd be gorgeous!" Gee, thanks. So, I'm a troll now is what you're saying? Ha. I'm sure they had good intentions with those statements, at least I'd like to believe they did. To God, I am beautiful. He sees me for who I am; He sees my heart. He doesn't want me to be insecure, unhappy...He wants me to embrace every second of this life because it is one blessing after another, and to waste those moments dreaming of a day that I'll one day fit that perfect body mold is insane. More than anything, I want Elena to see a confident and happy mama; a mama that loves the skin she's in. With that said, I love this body, whether you find it fat or not. This tummy was home to my most precious gift, and those marks are proof that she was healthy and growing beautifully. No more time of my life will be wasted wishing for a new body, a certain weight, a certain size. This is me, I am loved, and I am His. 

"You Were Born to Stand Out"

That's the popular quote: "You weren't born to fit in, you were born to stand out." Well, they almost got it right. I don't think we were born to stand out, I believe we were born to serve Him with humility. It's not about us. It's not about our purpose or self esteem, it's about His purpose and His will. Of course God wants the best for His children, there's no doubt about that; He wants us to be happy. Our happiness, however, shouldn't be the goal. That's the world's motto; do what makes you happy. Everything is for self, but God says to seek Him first in ALL things. If you want to be happy, don't seek material things or others' approval; seek Him. All good things come from God, and nowhere else. Any positive or intellectual thought you've ever had didn't come from your own brilliant mind, He put it there. Give thanks, be humble, and know that you would be nothing apart from Him and His love. As I get older, I realize that I'm becoming more and more unpopular with the trends of this world; I don't fit in. My opinions and my thoughts about modesty and humility aren't shared with the independent and aggressive women of today. The world tells them they don't need a man, they're better or stronger than men, etc. The Bible says that it's ok to lean on your husband for strength; the strength that God has given him. I enjoy making my husband feel needed, and like the strong provider that he is. He deserves to feel loved and appreciated after all that he does for our family without a single complaint. I enjoy dressing modestly and saving the provocative clothing for his eyes only. I don't need the world to see me the way he does; those moments are special. I enjoy the simpler things in life like playing outside with my daughter or going to a restaurant with my little family. I know it's not impressive to some, but that's my life. I love it. God has blessed me immensely, and I hope that He knows how thankful I am. I guess, to me, if the world isn't pleased with my lifestyle and choices, then I must be doing something right. I'm not here to please the world. So, I think the quote should read like this instead: "You were not born to fit in, you were born to serve Him." Have a wonderful day, everyone. God bless you in all that you do.

All of Me

The other day I was feeling sorry for myself. You know those "No one appreciates me" moments. It is so easy to get into those self-loathing ruts. I mean, the devil LOVES that stuff; and when I say the devil, I mean social media and media in general. There are funny ecards ranting about how ignorant and oblivious husbands are, songs about men just not knowing what it's like to be in our shoes, and people love to see those statuses about a crummy husband. You know what I'm talking about. It is SO EASY to get riled up and think, "You just don't understand!" It's the less desirable route and the more challenging to go to scripture and see what God has to say about marriage, about love, and about forgiveness and understanding. I often tell Bobby that God speaks to me through him because he almost always says what I don't want to hear in those moments. I want him to be the bad guy, I want to be the victim, and I want to feel sorry for myself. Honestly, though, when it comes down to it, I have no reason to. I have so many, MANY things to be thankful for, including my husband. We argue because he gets a certain tone with me, or calls me out on playing on my phone or watching a dumb show instead of doing something productive at home, and he has every right to. At the time, however, I am certain I have a reason to be hurt or upset, and I lash out. My husband works so hard for us, at a job that is not (or even close to) his dream job. I get to do exactly what I want to do, which is stay home and raise our daughter. Do you blame him for being a teensy bit annoyed that I didn't find time to fold that laundry? Nope. I read a scripture the other day about working for the Lord and not for human masters, and I should be. I should be showing my gratitude to not only Bobby, but more importantly to God for blessing me with this opportunity to be at home. It's not a bad thing to feel blessed and to shower your hard working husband with love and gratitude. It's not a bad thing to love being at home taking care of your family. Society has everything so backwards; stay at home moms are seen as these depressed, deprived, individuals when in all reality, we are (at least I am) on cloud nine! I truly love my days with my little girl. Being a housewife, however, I am trying to love. I am trying because my husband deserves my best. He gives us his best every day and every night (at work). I am not a great cook, I surely don't like to clean (who does?), and my decorating skills are pretty non existent. All he wants is my best effort; all he wants is to see that I care. Not just about Elena (that's obvious), but about him. Bobby's way to show love is through actions, and so by me giving this housewife gig my best effort, I am showing him that I love and appreciate him. It doesn't take much to make him happy, really. I'm just spoiled rotten. ;) I vacuumed, cleaned up Elena's playroom, cleaned the kitchen/dishes, cleaned our spare bathroom, and made his favorite dinner and he was elated. He bathed Elena that night because I "worked so hard and deserved to relax". He's a great guy, and I know guys like Bobby are rare. I also know that I'm a lot to handle, but he loves me and wants me to be happy. That in itself deserves a fabulous housewife. I'm working on it!


The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens.Proverbs 31:11-31

Summertime

School is out, and that means I get to see more of my niece and nephew! We kicked off Summer vacation this weekend with sprinkler fun on the trampoline; Elena was THRILLED to say the least.

She and Sam spent most of Friday afternoon and today doing this, and they never got tired of it no matter how soaked they were. It truly amazes me how kids can have fun doing the same darn thing for hours on end. I'd better enjoy this stage while I can before the "I'm bored" complaints start, haha. We all had a great time with my family this weekend. Bobby's new nights off give us the opportunity to spend the majority of the weekend with my sister & her little fam when they come into town, which makes me very happy. I got to take my sweet niece to see a movie she'd been anxiously waiting to see (since she read the book it was based on). I knew it would be a tear jerker, but I had no idea I'd enjoy it that much! It was so cute, and I highly recommend it. There are very few simple and innocent love stories like that in the theaters these days; it was refreshing to watch something that didn't have a ton of foul language and profanity.

Well, I'd better join my family in the living room and wind down for the night. Thank you, Jesus, for blessing me this much; it is a privilege to be the daughter of such a loving and almighty God, and I do not take a minute for granted. Have a wonderful night, y'all. Hug your families tight, and sleep well!

A Whole Year!

My goodness! Has it already been over a year since I've posted anything? That's cray-to-the-cray! Well, it's fitting that I stopped blogging once Elena learned to walk; that little girl constantly has me on my toes! It's a fun chaos, though. I am so blessed to be at home with my child, I get to keep her in my safe little bubble a little while longer. Let's see, let's get you up to speed on my baby. She is now a whopping 2 years old, loves to talk, super affectionate and sweet, sensitive like her mama, and a ball of hilariousness & energy like her daddy. She's also a little daredevil when it comes to heights, rides, and things her daddy and I are huge scaredy cats about. I'm not sure where she got that fearless spirit from, but thankfully she has cousins to ride all of those lovely theme park rides with in the future. She is currently her dad's number one fan, and her face lights up with the biggest smile ever when he walks into the room. People ask me if that makes me jealous, and I cannot fathom how seeing my baby love her daddy could possibly make me jealous. I get it; he's super awesome! 'Tis why I married him after all. ;) My happiest moments are when I see them together. Two of the people I love most in this world, loving each other; how incredible is that?

So, as you can see, life is pretty darn sweet. Elena and I have a lot of fun together, and it truly amazes me how fast she learns things. She is big on singing, right now. "Lord, I Need You" is her favorite song, along with "Wheels on the Bus". She also loves to count and recite the alphabet song. She's a smart cookie, but I have to give God the credit for that. He has truly blessed us with our healthy, strong, compassionate, and intelligent little baby. I wish I could keep her this tiny forever, but time keeps on tickin'. Which reminds me, I need to hop on the potty training train--eek. I've been dragging my heels with that for a few weeks now. I don't know what it is, but I am not motivated! I think it's because I know that once she's done with diapers, she's officially a big girl. That's not easy for a mama to digest. I need to get to it, though--she's already plenty old enough, and those diapers sure aren't cheap. Whenever anyone finds that pause button, though, let me know! Until next time my dear friends & fam! Hasta! :)

It's Been Awhile!

And now that Staind song is in my head. "It's been awhile..." :) Ok, but seriously, it has been far too long since I've posted! So, most importantly, let me update y'all on my sweet girl. She is now WALKING! She took more than two steps on March 5th when she turned 11 months old. She had been taking one step forward here and there, but nothing more until that day. Then you could not stop that child! Today she is walking fast and so well. I cannot believe how big she is, and how toddler-like she is! She also talks a lot. Nothing you could understand, but she says what sounds like, "Hey!" when Bobby comes home from work (with a huge smile on her face), and says Dada at the top of her lungs all day long. She's hilarious. I absolutely LOVE that little voice of hers. She is the cutest little girl in the entire world. I'm so glad that she's walking so well because Easter is coming up in one week and I can't wait to watch her hunt for those eggs! Many, many pictures will be taken. :) She is also still drinking a bottle, and I cannot see myself letting that go anytime soon lol. She still relies on it for bedtime and naps. Although lately it requires a lot of rocking and bouncing to get her to sleep. She definitely keeps us constantly on our toes. We'll be saying bye to formula in a couple weeks when she officially turns a year old. :( I cannot believe it has been a year. Time flies by so fast and it's making me very emotional. Be prepared for a sappy post on or after her birthday. You've been warned! Even though she still takes a bottle, she loves her big girl food. She loves oatmeal with fruit and cinnamon, eggs, potatoes, mini pancakes, fruit (everything except mandarin oranges) and cold cut meat. She's just recently stopped wanting the pureed baby food; yet another thing that's making me sad. But in so many ways she is still my tiny baby. Mama is still number one in her eyes. :) In other news, I haven't been doing so well with Weight Watchers. So, my doctor's appointment came and I had lost 11 lbs, which I was so proud of, and then since I've gained 4 back! Well, as of today, I've lost 2 of those. Nothing to be proud of. February 1st, however, my blood sugar looked good and healthy, and she just instructed me to keep up the good work. I need to get serious again. Oh! I almost forgot! We're under contract for a house! :) It's a beautiful one story in Kyle; 1680 square feet, study coming off of the master, stainless steel appliaces, huge backyard, his and hers separate vanities in the master bath, separate shower/garden tub, great closet (which will mostly be mine since Bobby will put most clothes in his dresser and the study closet), and plenty of room for my baby girl. It's also fairly new; only 5 years old. It looks hardly lived in at all. I cannot wait to close on May 1st!!!! And I think I have updated y'all pretty well with all of that said. :) I promise to visit more regularly. God bless!

Oh these times are hard.

This song always reminds me of me and my Bobby. I feel like now that we have our little Elena, she has taken our focus away from each other, and that's why when we get the opportunity to reconnect on date days (like tomorrow--yay!) we fully take advantage of it, and like the song says, it's like we're meeting for the first time. We get to be ourselves for those few hours, not Mommy and Daddy. I cannot stress how important it is to have that time together when you're parents. It is so easy to just put your relationship with one another on the back burner when you're so busy caring for your child, and too exhausted at the end of the day to hang out and all you want to do is sleep. I have found myself doing this, and in turn I've been neglecting my husband. I love my baby girl more than anything in this world, but I have to remember my best friend and to also show him attention and love. These date days rejuvenate us and bring us back to earth. We get to talk and be the way we were before we became parents. One day my baby(s) will move out and move on with her(their) life(lives), and it will just be the two of us again; it's important to keep our relationship strong and the way it was before babies came into our lives. We are the foundation of this family. I have been blessed beyond words with Bobby, and I need to make it a point to show him how much I appreciate him. I can't just assume he knows. So, tomorrow I am so looking forward to some quality time with my better half. "Smiling but we're close to tears, even after all these years we just now got the feeling that we're meeting for the first time."